Don't do that... or Why I Hate UPS...

When I was a teenager, the Internet was not what it was to become… My family, not being the most affluent or technology interested, did not own a computer- until I bought one. I had to ask for a word processor for Christmas to be able to type.

I had been “writing” since I was a child. I say “writing” because I did not quite understand what I was doing was an important piece of the writer’s job. I was plotting and researching and making notes. By the time I hit my teens, I was interested in being a comics’ writer.

My 1st submissions were all hand written (don’t ever do that). Then, after one Christmas I was able to type (very slow and quite poor, mind you).

Around the time of high school graduation, I had been interested in screenwriting for awhile- and had a script ready to go for my favorite television show. Of course, I didn’t know the rules at that time… and pretty much broke all of them.

I brought back a character that had been killed off (don’t do that), in a very believable way. I made him the main focus of the story (don’t do that). The star of the show never knew he returned (don’t do that) and I plotted out the next script (don’t do that) that brought the two characters together. Now, in my defense, I will say that I potentially got rid of the resurrected character in the 2nd episode… but also had an entire storyline plotted out that could have been used… I was ready for anything. (Don’t do any of the above…)

But I digress…

I am here to discuss… script services. OK. I guarantee you that you are thinking of a different type of “script services”. What I am referring to is… typing.

Like I said, when I started writing, not everyone on the planet had a laptop and the Internet. I had a handwritten script on lined paper. I was reading Writer’s Digest for several years already. In their classifieds section, I found an ad for an agency in Manhattan that would type and format your scripts for you.

I sent them my script, my selection of card stock for the covers and a 10% down payment. Several weeks later, I received the galleys and I was blown away.

While kids that I went to school with were worrying about colleges, jobs or… the prom. I was making strides towards my passion and dream of becoming a writer.

Then… I waited… and… waited.

I soon received a bill for the scripts (I had more than one printed). I understood that the bill was to be paid on receipt, so I did not pay it. I figured that the scripts would be there any day. Then, another bill came…

After much going around and around, it turned out that the agency “allegedly” mailed the scripts by UPS (just one of the many reasons I hate and distrust UPS). The scripts were supposedly dropped off. I never received them; I never saw them.

This started a long battle. In today’s day and economy, they probably would have sicked the lawyers on me for the money… but this was a kinder, gentler time. I refused to pay; they refused to send me more scripts. Neither one of us would budge.

So, my screenwriting career was sidelined before it had a chance to begin.

One day, I will work with Stephen J. Cannell and when he likes me… I will pull out the handwritten script of my youth and ask him to read it… And hopefully, he won’t tell me that he loves it and would have hired me had he read that script years ago.

So, the moral to this story is… don’t ever, ever, ever send anything UPS.

Don.